DIARY OF A MIDDLE-AGED BRIDE: MUCH ADO ABOUT HAIR




“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow 
- this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert

Dear Diary, 


Hair maybe a small matter to some whilst to others, it is a big matter...in all manners of speaking and literally too! I belong to the latter group where not only is hair a big issue to me, it is also BIG. I am a big hair enthusiast...neigh...BIG HAIR LOVER. 

There are a lot of celebrities who have had or carried very distinct hair. It is one of the reasons why they stand out. James Brown, Dolly Patton, Oprah Winfrey, Cher, Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson, Jennifer Aniston (famous for "the Jennifer" haircut), Grace Jones, Diana Ross, Jill Scott, Haile Berry, Elvis Presley, Tina Turner, Jan Crouch (wife to TBN founder who loved pink, big hair). The list is endless. Out of all of the above...I have always admired Oprah's and Jill Scott's hair the most.  Secretly, I wish I could pull off a Tina Turner look....one fine day...one fine day! 

Growing up, my mum always took good care of our hair. She had no choice seeing we are 4 girls (5 if you count her too). We always had permed hair before it was fashionable and in highschool...I transitioned to a curly kit which made my life much easier. Going to the salon was one of those girlie activities we did with my mum that was just awesome. The 2nd one was going to the tailor to pick out different designs of dresses. Mum really humoured us girls and my two sisters took after her and are really good fashionistas...if I was to put it that way. They also have had all sorts of hair colours that it is shocking to see their hairs a neutral black. I always ask if they are sick the minute I see that... cos it is so unusual..too normal. It more normal to see them with purple, green, red, orange, blue, grey or golden hair. I think the only colour I haven't seen yet on their hairs is pink and they look super good in their colourful hair. 

My style both in fashion and hair is not so eccentric in comparison. For the longest time...I had always had pretty regular hair and at that point in time, it worked for me. Well...except in my 20s when I used to have a fringe and up-do that my younger sister nicknamed the "Karura puff" (We had just moved to Karura at the time). She would always tease me about it and I would always feel so hurt cos I thought I looked so good. Thereafter, I decided to do a Haile Berry type of short hair do after breaking up with Jay, which worked out well and earned me a boyfriend in the process. I don't seem to remember getting a lot of free hairdos though so I must not have been a very good girlfriend  Hmm..yeah, I remember why. I cleaned up his apartment without permission!  Read about that here. After that, I then decided to grow my hair...until I had my son Levi and went through depression as a result of the broken relationship with his dad which lead me to shaving my hair once again! After that, I swore to never shave my hair again because of my feelings (especially negative ones) or any other reason for that matter. It is said that women mostly shave their hairs when they are about to embark on a big change in their life. That was true for me. 

After growing my hair, it never quite settled on me the way I wanted it to...so for the first time ever, I decided to weave my hair. By and by...I discovered that I preferred fuller hair and as I explored more...I finally found what worked for me and I love it. In the meantime, I allowed my hair to revert to it's natural state underneath the weaves or crocheted styles. I would hardly keep my hair open and only the hairdresser would see it during the Weave-Out and Weave-In process. Let me clarify this though...I don't hate my hair. Neither am I trying to emulate some Caucasian imagery. The reality though is that our natural hair is difficult to manage. Some people (like my sisters) seem to excel at it and know what to do...others like me find it difficult...like trying to acclimatize a cactus to a tropical climate. I use the example of a cactus here as that's how my natural hair feels to me sometimes. Beautiful but thorny. 

Big hair is such a BIG deal (pun intended) that even Wikipedia defines it. This is what it says. 

Big hair is a hairstyle that emphasizes large volume or largely styled hair, especially when those styles make the hair occupy a large amount of space above and around the head. The label "big hair" for such styles originated in the late 1970s, when these styles were beginning a period of popularity. Similar styles have become fashionable at various periods in history.[1]

So big has my hair been that I have been asked severally by some brave characters if my head feels heavy or hot. No it doesn't. It is the most natural thing ever which tells me that I was made for it.....it is MY style. I have also been asked if I actually have any hair beneath it all. Yes I do...and very good hair at that. There was a time I used to worry about going for interviews or whether it would be acceptable at formal interactions. Then one day, I stopped caring and I really couldn't be bothered what someone things. This is how I come...take it or leave it. 

So what has my hair got to do with marriage...you may wonder? Ever since I went all naturale....No man has seen my hair unless he worked at the Salon. It just became a thing....and when I met my husband, one of the things he had to get used to was my big hair. Am sure he initially thought it was the flavour of the month...only to realise it was my every day flavour...month in...month out. At one point, he began to insist that I leave my hair open....that he wanted to see my ears (which had not seen the sunshine for along while) and that he thought I looked more beautiful with my natural hair...even though he had never seen it.  After a few months, I finally humoured him for a day or two before going back to my usual self. He must have been offended...but well..I had to be true to myself. 

A few months later and completely out of the blue...he told me that he finally got it. He had taken the term to google the concept of Big Hair...and He got it...HE GOT IT! You have no idea how happy I was. That he had bothered to look and understand....that's a big deal for any man anywhere in the world unless he is a hair stylist. 

With the advent of Covid-19, a new challenge emerged and suddenly...I had to avoid the salon to keep safe. With the blessing of working from home...I wasn't a tad bid bothered. My only worry was....WOULD HE STILL LOVE ME WITH MY CACTUS HAIR...day in..day out? I won't lie to you...there are days I wake, look into the mirror and wonder who that woman staring back at me is! Cos her hair sure does look TERRIBLE! I laugh and wonder what he thinks...and so one day I asked him. He laughed and said he finally understood why I weave my hair but that he loves me anyway even when I look less than presentable. I have stopped worrying about it 5 months down the road. I suppose if he was going to kick me out for bad hair...he would have done it already. If my hair could speak about this period...it would have a bigger story to tell. One of mistreatment mostly...so for now, we shall allow "her" to remain silent for the risk of attempting to embarrass me further. I can't wait to adorn my big hair soonest possible...but in the meantime, I have gotta love the me I see in the mirror. 

My biggest lesson is that..I am loved...just the way I am. Big hair or not. And I have learnt to re-love me too. 

Sincerely, 


The middle-aged bride 

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