DIARY OF A MIDDLE-AGED BRIDE - CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE!

Dear Diary, 

CRAZY|STUPID|LOVE is a movie staring Steve Carell and Ryan Gosling. As I thought about today's title, nothing could be more apt as the title to this story I am about to tell. Especially the stupid part. 

After the end of the SHAMBA BOY ERA (See previous post), I worked for my dad for about a year or so. Like I shared previously, I enjoyed doing the work and I got to learn a lot in the process. Frequently, my dad would leave me in charge and I started learning everything to do with the business including pricing for panel beating, spare parts and the like. It was not a girl's world but I soon learnt to make it my world. I also got to interact with the customers a lot especially when they would come by for short repairs and had to wait for the job to be finished. One of those customers was an elderly, very respectable man from Rironi. We would chat often about many things and during one of our chats, he asked me why I was working for my dad as opposed to being in College or working. I explained the background as much as I could without revealing too much as I didn't want to reveal any information that I shouldn't. He then asked me if I had any Computer skills and I excitedly said I did. I had managed to attend classes courtesy of my favourite Aunt (God bless her) but had not made use of the skills learnt as yet. He asked that I bring copies the following day and also develop a CV. It was totally exciting as I had never even thought of doing a CV before then. 

A few days after presenting him with my papers...voila! He had secured an intern job at Industrial and Commercial Development Corporation (ICDC)at their cyber cafe along Aga Khan Walk called Funguo E-Centre.  The funny thing is I had not touched a Computer for over 2 years and I was suddenly thrust into an environment that required me to assist customers navigate their way through emails, typing documents and the like. This is back when people were just starting to use emails so very few people were conversant with the process...myself included! On day 1 of my job, as soon as I could get a chance, I opened an email address for myself and soon thereafter, I opened email addresses for other clients. This is when I realised that I had a pretty important skill. Two rather. I can learn very fast and when I don't know something, I can think equally fast on my feet. In a short 2 weeks, you would think I had always done the job. I may have fumbled here and there but trust me...I never told a client that I didn't know something or couldn't answer their questions. 

The cyber cafe was always very busy due to its accessibility and the fact that it had very new machines (Compaq) and fast speeds as well. We would open at 7am and close the doors at 7pm even though frequently the last client sometimes left at 8.30pm. There were about 6 employees of ICDC and 2 paid interns (myself and another young man). The 6 employees would work in shifts from 7am to 1pm and 1pm to 7pm. As for the interns, we were expected to work all day and ended up being overworked. So a lot of times, the 2 of us were the ones on the ground...sometimes assisting 5 or more people at the same time. I was also very good at typing with a speed of over 90 words per minute so I also spent a lot of time typing documents for people. Going off for lunch or a break was literally unheard off and the best we would get is tea which we would have as we assisted clients. It was hard work but very interesting. This was also the era of the MINI-SKIRTS. I favoured very short skirts in those days and I looked good in them too! They did get me into a lot of trouble though (story for another day). I got to meet and interact with a wide array of people, some of whom are still my friends today. I got to know my clients better...especially the ones I would type emails for as well. In fact...some of my clients didn't even know their own passwords. I would do everything for them so I had this database of email address and passwords in my head. A prominent ODM politician today was one of my favourite clients and I opened his first email address. I must say am thankful to my fellow intern who was an outgoing and very interesting young man who taught me a lot about IT that by the time I was leaving Funguo, I could do basic diagnosis on software and hardware, do installations etc all thanks to him.

One of my most interesting clients was an old man from Ndumberi who was seriously paranoid. He believed that there are people who would intercept his emails...so he insisted that I type his emails in Kikuyu! He would dictate his responses as I typed. I must say, it helped me improve on my Kikuyu a whole lot. He had 3 sons abroad, 1 in Dubai, another in the UK and the last one the US. I was very adept at my typing and it didn't long for them to figure out that their dad had help. There was a lot of conflict in the family and soon...I somehow became enjoined. I would see responses from his sons referring to him and his "Secretary". I think they thought he was dating someone knew since he had been separated from their mum for many years.  It was pretty awkward and eventually I had to intervene and emailed one of the sons to explain that I only typed what his dad told me to, that I was not participating in the family brawl and had nothing to do with it all. He was apologetic and later on when he visited, I met up with the rest of the family (they were 8 brothers) and had Nyama as part of their apology. Once in a while, I think about the old man and wonder if he is still alive. 

Am sure you are wondering what my long rumblings have to do with love. I am getting to it! It was during my time at Funguo that I first properly fell in love. During this period of time, cyber cafe owners had come together to form an association in order to lobby the government and agitate for better internet services. This was the time when the primary internet service provider was Jambo Net which was Telkom owned. This was before SEACOM and TIMS came into play. The downtime as a result of Jambo Net was frequent and disruptive to businesses. The other intern and I were seconded to represent Funguo during the meetings and it was during the first meeting we attended that I met him. I distinctly remember how he was dressed....Khaki pants, white shirt and a deep burgundy blazer. (He too always remembers exactly how I was dressed as well!). He was part of the panel leading the discussions and was very well spoken and confident. At the end of the meeting, I had a few questions and had approached the Chair for some additional clarifications.  Fortunately, the Chair could not answer my questions and referred to me...you guessed it...Mr. Mr. For purposes of this story, I will call him Jay.  I was only so glad to be "forced" to talk to Jay who quickly answered my questions except one. We then exchanged email addresses so that he could send me the info. This was before mobile phones became affordable and I left the meeting with a smile on my face. I had a feeling this was going somewhere good! 

A few days later, he did email and send through the information I required. We soon started chatting on yahoo chat (Boy...do I have stories about Yahoo chat) and I learnt that he had gone back to the UK where he had been studying and living for a couple of years. This was his last visit as he had gone for his graduation as well as to pick up his belongings. We chatted everyday for a while which was pretty easy giving my access and we got to learn so much about each other. He always ended his chats with a phrase he loved "Smiles all the miles".  To say that I would look forward to our daily chats would be an understatement. I had really grown to like him...but our conversations remained very general except for him giving me dating advice here and there. These chats went on for about 2 months and finally...he was home! The 1st order of business was to arrange for a face to face meet-up and Funguo was the perfect venue. He came over and we talked for sooooooooo long..I almost got fired!! It was really lovely to see him and really easy to talk to him. Over the years, we would easily stand at one spot in the streets for up to 3 hours just chatting and I remember one of my colleague's would always tell us "Get married already!" 

The 1st meet-up soon led to another. His family owned a cyber cafe as well which was just round the corner from Funguo. He was always charged with the job of closing up since clients would stay in till about 8pm or so. It soon became a habit that I would finish up at work on Saturdays and go hang out with him at their Cyber. It was easy to do Saturdays since both Cybers only opened half day. So we would spend the rest of the afternoon in their Cyber. He loved music and had quite a collection. He could sign quite well too so most of the time was spent listening and dancing to music, talking, more music etc. Once in a while he would sing to me as well. One of those Saturday's, during our talks...he happened to share about loosing his maternal grandfather who had played a big role in his upbringing. As he shared the story..I could see him tearing up out of the corner of his eye. And instinctively....I reached out to hug him which led to a kiss and the rest as they say...is history. I was over the moon as I had totally fallen in love with him. It was a feeling that I could not even describe. The sun seemed to shine brighter, the moon and stars full of romance....I mean.....I felt so deeply connected to this person that it was unbelievable. 

The following week after our first kiss, Jay asked me out for coffee. So we met up and that's when he shared a secret he had kept from me all along. I looked at him in shock and could not believe my ears. Turns out, Jay was engaged to someone he had met whilst studying. They hadn't set a wedding date as yet...but yup...they were totally engaged. To say I was heartbroken was an exaggeration. I sat there trying not to burst into tears. I could not believe that no sooner had I fallen in love than it was all being ripped away from me before I could even enjoy it. As I sat there in shock...Jay tabled a suggestion. He said he had no reason to break up his engagement as his fiance had done nothing wrong but at the same time, he did not want to let me go (talk about having your cake and eating it!) So the decision as to whether to stay or leave was up to me!! I would be lying through my teeth if I said I gave it a second thought...OF COURSE I WOULD STAY! I was so in love at this point and I wasn't about to loose Jay for anything. Looking back...I know it was wrong to continue but I honestly did not know any better and I think I would't have wanted to know any better. Jay's fiance was still away and would only be coming back after her graduation in about 4-5 months.  So that's all the time we had. Those few months before her return were the best in my life at that time. I had never felt so loved in my life and I had never loved anyone back as much as I did. Most Saturday afternoons to evenings were spent together. Since we hardly had any money and he still lived with his parents, we would spend nights in the cold on the floor at the Cyber cafe yet these nights were the most romantic, most warm, most comfortable nights EVER! Not even the cold floors would deter us. Such is young love!!

The months flew by and bam! Our short lived relationship was over as soon as his fiance landed. I was extremely affected and for the next one month..I was as sad as could be. This is when I learnt that love can hurt physically cos I developed this chest pain and heaviness that just wouldn't leave me. One day whilst I was at work, Jay showed up and asked to talk. Thankfully, it was one of those days that wasn't busy so I got the chance to take a break. Once again, Jay had a proposition....he said the last month had been painful to him as well and he did not want to let me go and if I would consider it...we could work on building a friendship instead. This was like music to my ears....and again...being as naive as I was....this was a welcome suggestion. Friends it would be! It was better than nothing...better than bearing the pain in my heart. It was just better! Needless to say...the more I saw Jay thereafter, the less my chest hurt and the pain soon disappeared. He became a frequent visitor and a great friend indeed. In the next year or so...he did get married. Through my pain, I managed to be part of their wedding committee and even attend the wedding. I was genuinely happy for them. During the wedding his best friend who is the only one who knew about us; was assigned to guard me in case I decided to answer to the proverbial questions "If anyone has a reason that these two should be wed, please speak or forever hold your peace". I am not prone to drama and I had no reason to say anything...but I understood Jay's anxiety though. You just never know! Sadly, the marriage never lasted past 5 years though they were blessed with a beautiful child and they both moved on with life. During our conversations, I would always jest and tell him it served him right. He should have just stuck with me! I enjoyed saying this so much cos I kinda secretly believed it but only God knows how and where we would have ended up. It was just never meant to be. 

Over the years, Jay remained one of my closest friends. We would still spend hours and hours talking whenever we met. If I bumped into him over my lunch hour even after I had transitioned to work for one of the big four audit firms, I always knew I would be in trouble at work cos there was no way I would get back to my desk on time. I may have lost my first true love but I gained a wonderfully true friend. We have lost touch over the last few years due to varied circumstances in both our lives but if I met up with him today, I know it would be hours before we would be able to stop talking and it would feel almost like the very first time we talked close to 20 years ago. 

I learnt a very important lesson from this experience. To never settle to be 2nd best...or 2nd in line or 2nd anything. It is never worth it. I know better....and I do better ....because I deserve better. 

Sincerely, 

The middle-aged bride 

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Just catching up on the series now? See previous posts below!

The Beginning
Ms. Froggie