DIARY OF A MIDDLE-AGED BRIDE: THE BEAUTIFUL

Dear Diary,

It is hard to believe that it is a year since I became a middle-aged bride (Laughs out loud). It has been pretty eventful and I can breathe a sigh of relief. We made it!

You see, it wasn't easy. I have always been under the impression that the first year of marriage is naturally the easiest...you know....filled with sunny lovey-dovey moments as you both skip into the sunset of a happily ever after future. Don't they even call it the honeymoon year? Honeymoon shmazimoon! That is not what not awaited me.

Like I mentioned in The Ugly (see previous post), I had a difficult time adjusting to the move and so much to handle in other areas of my life that I just sunk deeply into this not-so-happy place. As I struggled to come out of it, an unexpected challenge one evening brought an end to that season.

To help my son settle into our new home and cope with the changes, we had gotten him a puppy which he named Scott. Scott is a Havamalt (a mix between a Havanese and Maltese terrier). Am not sure where my son got the name Scott but he has a way of finding unique names for pets. Actually, I suspect that Scott might be a gamer or youtuber cos that's all he thinks about these days.

I have never been a pet person but my son changed me into one when he adopted a cat a few years ago. We could only keep cats as pets were completely disallowed by the flats' management company where we lived previously or according to Levi...by the white piece of paper on the notice board that he would constantly ask me remove in the belief that it would automatically change the rules. Somehow, one could break the rules when it came to cats since they are pretty independent, don't poop everywhere, bark endlessly in the middle of the night or chase anyone around the compound. Cats were cool peeps. Plus...they kept away rats from the garages, especially since most people used as storage areas. So when we moved...within 2 weeks Scott joined the family.

I had never understood the phrase "a dog is a man's best friend" until we got one. Whereas cats are pretty independent and hardly show any loyalty, dogs are so different. Scott got under my skin real good. He would follow me around even to the bathroom like a little toddler. My husband, on the other hand, is a dog person...so he was absolutely delighted. I guess eventually, I was outnumbered and had to just join the club? The only thing I hated was the fact that Scott was not house trained so within a short period of time, our living room stunk to kingdom come cos he kept peeing and pooping all over the carpet and basically anywhere he could in the house! It was irritating to say the least but still...he was so adorable. My love for him was firmly confirmed when he fell sick one day and for a few days there...we thought he was a goner. The mood in the house was depressive as we missed his silly running around and play. Even my house manager had to admit it too. Thankfully, Scott made an amazing recovery after we called in a vet (WE CALLED IN A VET! I NEVER SAW MYSELF AS "THOSE" KIND OF PEOPLE!).

Scott was soon back to his normal, little self again and got back to peeing all over. Many times, we found ourselves accidentally stepping in his pee which was not only vexing but dangerous too. Despite our efforts, we couldn't get him to do his business outside consistently. It was frustrating!

As we entered into December, I discovered some wonderful though scary news. I was expecting a baby! We had been wanting one since we started dating but unfortunately, I just couldn't stay pregnant. The losses were devastating but we soldiered on despite it all. I hadn't been trying....in fact I had hoped to go in for some additional tests before trying again. But...it was not to be. I tried to reduce my activities...knowing what had happened previously but despite being careful, I eventually lost the baby once more. I don't know how I can describe that feeling but one can never get used to it no matter how many times it happens. This was my 8th loss and our 4th as I had previously been trying to have a baby in a previous relationship about 3 years previously.

As I struggled to overcome this deep disappointment, we were hit with yet another scare that had me reeling. One evening when my son and I had gone for a sleepover at my sister's house, my husband slipped in Scott's pee and fell really hard. I remember hearing the pain in his voice when he called. His first words were "I am going to have to spoil your evening". He had slipped on Scott's pee and broken his right femur. It was a bad break. We headed home immediately and it was sad to listen him groan in pain as he crawled to open the door for us since he had locked up for the evening.

We rushed in and as we tried to lift him up, my son slipped on the same pee and fell hard on the floor. Thankfully, he didn't break anything but you can imagine how scary it felt for me to have them both lying on the floor in pain. I realised I needed external help and had to call on our neighbours. Now if you have seen a picture of my husband, he is pretty much on the lighter side of life when it comes to weight so I had never imagined that I would not be able to lift him by myself. Trust me...I couldn't! At least not that first time anyway.

That evening began a long journey seeking for the right treatment and finances as well. I remember going to at least 5 hospitals that night only and another 2 before his leg was finally fixed through surgery. At one point, I completely lost it and I had to park by the roadside to cry my heart out. Eventually, all was well and I thank God for the support of family through it all. I remember my dad-in-law accompanying us to most of the hospital visits which was so comforting. It made me realise that no matter how old we are...we still need our parents. This season also made me appreciate my house manager of 12 years even more. She had taken extended leave for 2 months handle some family affairs. Suddenly, I now an invalid to take care of whilst juggling work requirements at a time when we were transitioning in a big way including laying off people. If you have never had to let any one know they no longer have a job...you really cannot understand what I mean. Now add the pressure of having to inform several people! I hated it. On top of that...we had several other stakeholders who were affected by our transition and were not taking it too well. It was harrowing for me. The hardest part was having to sometimes leave my husband alone whilst I headed to work and my son was in school. Being on crutches meant that he found not even carry a glass of water by himself so I had to make sure he would be able to access everything he needed. The weekends were busy with visitors coming to say "pole" as is a tradition in our African setting. I was exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. Most of all..I missed leaning on my husband. It was now his turn to lean on me...And I had to be strong. Thoughts and emotions about the miscarriage were soon put on the back burner. There was no time for introspection.

I thank God that in April, he was able to put his crutches aside and start walking again. The joy and delight on his face was a wonder to observe. I think we really underestimate the ability to do the day to day mundane things that we don't think about it. Like taking a shower, bending over to pick something or simply carrying a glass of water. I was so glad to see him doing alright and regaining his independence. A few months later, we faced another health challenge though this time, it was on my end. I had a scary incident or rather 3 related to my heart and I remember having a moment where I thought I wouldn't make it. In that moment, I was once again forced to remember what is truly important to me. The answer to that is simply family and my husband had become a core part of that.

Despite the ups and downs, I have come to appreciate the institution of marriage and to understand why it is termed as as such. It is not just about the two of you. Marriage encompasses a whole community that rallies and contributes to your lives in many ways. However, if the core between the two parties is broken....it breaks the community as well. That's why it is important to get things right between the two of you in the first place. You have got to be in it for thr right reasons and with the right person.

I have also learnt that marriage doesn't solve the problems in our lives or the flaws in our characters. It actually serves to magnify them. So its best to get our Ps and Qs right as individuals and not expect that marriage will fix any broken parts of us. As we celebrate our 1st anniversary, I can only thank God for bringing us through these initial challenges and we pray that he may tide us over any that may lie ahead(we pray that they will be few and far apart).

Happy 1st Anniversary to us!

I guess that brings me to the end of this series as initially promised. I will do a list of my top ten lessons from my 1st year next week. I look forward to the beautiful journey ahead with my dearest love. We shall continue to endeavour to: -

L.I.V.E. - Live life authentically and be real with one another. Dance a little whilst at it too