SUNNY DAYS - THE ENTRY



“Push….puuuush harder”

I was pushing harder…why did it seem to her that I wasn’t? I was giving it all I had for heaven’s sake!!!
“Just one more push…take a deep breath and push again”
She was beginning to annoy me. It was as if she was telling me that I wasn’t doing a good job. Yet here I was giving it the push of my life. I was pushing so hard it felt as if all my insides would burst out through my “you-know-what”.
Did I tell you about the pain? No? Allow me to. It was horrendous. If only women could get a sneak preview into what this kind of pain felt like…I think there are a good number of us who would run in the opposite direction and never have a baby.
I am screaming…neigh…yelling the hell out of my lungs but it almost feels like am doing it in my head ….like the pain is too much that even a scream cannot do it justice. Finally, I feel it pop out. Sorry…him. HIM. I feel my baby come out of my insides in a sudden gash of fluids. Just like that…the awful, horrendous pain is gone. I am afraid to look down as I suspect that there is more to those fluids and what-not than blood and mucous. Sigh…I checked in my dignity at the hospital door before I walked in…so does it really matter anymore?
He is crying….a loud, squealing cry that makes me want to cry too. Why does he sound so pitiful? His face is all scrunched up as if he is in some sort of pain as well. Poor little thing….I guess it’s not easy being squeezed out into a whole new world away from the warm, floaty environment that he was used to. Sorry kid….welcome to real life. It’s tough out here.
I am happy to see him but I am perplexed by this whole thing. How is it that I am here holding a baby in my arms? MY baby? Not my neighbours or a friend’s. Mine. Me. A mum. How did I get here?
The doc is busy doing whatever needs to be done down there. I feel broken and battered. I sure hope he is fixing me up all good. Will everything ever feel the same again? I need to catch my breath and tell you the story of how I got to this place. How I have ended up in a delivery room in this bleak, rundown government hospital having a baby all by myself…with no one to rub my back and all that boogie stuff we are fed in the movies. There is no glamour in my experience. No frills or flowers to make it all sweet and colourful.
Am all alone. Wait. I am not. There is HIM. Give me props for not calling him “It” this time around. HIM
No name as yet. Just HIM.
As I look down at this squealing little thing (yes…he is still screaming his little heart out. I think he is annoyed that I call him “it” ), I can only hope that there will be some sunny days ahead for us. US.
There is now an “US”.

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