It's not me..it's Y.O.U.


About seven years ago, I lost a friend. No, they didn't die. They just left me...completely disappeared from my life without a word of goodbye or an inkling as to why they had left.

It was not easy for me. This person had become a part of my life....a cornerstone even. We had known each other for years. We had been through a failed relationship and then many years of developing a beautiful friendship that was as sold as an oak!. Or so I thought. He was the last person I expected to "abandon" me like that. In my mind, I knew without a doubt that this person would be part of my life for many years to come. Our friendship had me believing strongly in platonic relationships between men and women. It could work...it seemed. We would have families, bring our children up to be good men and women of society, see each other grow old and grey whilst laughing about the former years...the years of our youth and the silly things we did. Oh! How fallacious the mind can be. My mind should have known better.

He was gone. Puff! Just like that...like a magic trick. At first I accepted it but with time, it bothered me much. I made several attempts to reach out. Some were successful, others were not. Each time I made contact, he would apologize and say that he would explain everything and that he was very sorry. Then he would disappear. Then reappear (had he changed careers and become a magician perhaps?). Sometimes, he reappeared all by himself...other times I would have to prod him out of his hiding place...but never for long. It would be a moment, then he would be gone again. Eventually, I began to accept the situation and I let it be...for a while.

Then came a time or rather a year that his disappearance bothered me so much....too much. I looked for him badly. I just couldn't understand his behaviour. This time....he came out of his little hiding place for a minute of sunshine. We talked.....and talked. He promised to make amends and explain everything. But yet again, he took off..not into the sunset... but to the abyss I think. I attempted to reach out and he ignored me completely. Like a little desperate mouse...I persisted and was ignored each time. Eventually, I got the message. Our friendship was over. This forever thing that I thought we had was just a figment of my imagination after all. I wondered what I had done wrong...after all, we were not dating....isn't a friend allowed to look for a friend?

A few weeks ago, some new information about this person landed on my lap. I was surprised but FINALLY everything made sense. All along, I could never shake off this feeling that I had caused the rift....that I had made a mistake...that I was the problem. It turns out I wasn't it. It was him all along. He is the one who had wronged me. He is the one who had done something discpicable...hidden it...covered up...and taken off to the high hills. IT WAS HIM, NOT ME! I was so relieved that I hadn't the mind or time to be angry.

It made me wonder...how many times do we blame ourselves for things other people have done? How many times do we shoulder the burden...by choice....thinking that WE messed things up and not the other person? How many times?

Heriponder - Be kind to yourself. Be confident in your own goodness as a person. So long as your conscious is clear and you did no wrong that you aware of....give yourself a break. Do not shoulder the blame for broken relationships...cos sometimes.....sometimes it really is the other person's fault.

- Herispeak

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