Wacu

She stared out of the window, with tears running down her face. Oblivious to the stares from other passengers in the No. 46 City Hoppa from Kawangware, she was lost in her own thoughts….in her own pain. 

Her rural home in Nyeri seemed so far away. She felt misplaced in this big city of Nairobi. This thought immediately reminded her of her parents. If only they were alive. The HIV virus took both of them years ago. Wacu barely remembered her mother. She had a vague memory of her and her maternal grandmother had brought her up since she had been only 5 years old when her mother died. Wacu’s other siblings had remained with her paternal grandparents. Luckily, they had lived only half an hour apart from each other and had gotten to see each other often. Nderitu now lived and worked in Mombasa. Whilst Mumbi was now married and a stay at home mum. She and her family of 4 lived in Nyeri.  Of her father, there was nothing. It is as if he had never existed. This was understandable since he had left the country years ago for the US and had only come home once a year. It was during one of those scarce visits that Wacu was conceived.  It was also during one of the visits that he had infected her mother with the HIV virus. As Wacu thought about him, she wished he had never come back. At least mummy would still be alive.  But then, that would also have meant that Wacu would have never been conceived. Such is life. She sighed deeply. The thought of HIV brought her back to reality. Back to the reason why she was crying. How will she tell him? What will she do? 

Wacu has relocated to Nairobi 2 years ago to pursue her diploma in nursing. She had performed well and  gotten a job within a month at one of the upcoming private hospitals. She was also engaged to Mutiso, a Chef at a city hotel. A loving, caring man....Mutiso made Wacu finally felt like she belonged in the world. To have someone love her so! They had met through a mutual friend whilst she was still in college and had been dating for the past 1.5 years. 

Back to reality again. The bus had now arrived at the city centre and it was time for her to alight. She wiped her tears away and disembarked along with other passengers. Still day dreaming, Wacu walked towards one of the city buildings and soon arrived at the 4^th floor of the same building. It was almost 5.30pm. Time to start the meeting. As she walked into the room, her eyes met with Mutiso who was seated at the far end of the room. He gave her a big wide smile…truly everyone could see the love in his eyes. A few of the other wedding committee members were already there. As Wacu walked towards Mutiso, she wondered how she would ever break the news that she was HIV positive. She was a virgin and that had made Mutiso confident about her status. He had never brought up the issue of both of them getting tested. Knowing her status, neither had she. She was relieved by this and had hidden her anti-retroviral drugs very well and he had never come across anything suspicious. The wedding was now 3 days away. Whilst other brides were usually preoccupied with finalizing the planning at this stage, Wacu was lost in her own world…burdened by the dreadful secret.  Only her grandparents and siblings knew the truth. It had been a heavily guarded secret all her life. Since she had never suffered from ill health so every one had assumed that she had been lucky. But it was not so..it certainly wasn’t so. Her grandmother had called her aside during one of the dowry visits and asked her if she had told him. She answered to the affirmative and the matter had been laid to rest. Not a mention of it again. 

Wacu knew it would only be a matter of time before the big secret came out. She couldn’t stand to loose Mutiso but how could she bear this terrible secret into their marriage? Wacu walked up to Mutiso and kissed him on the cheek as she said hello. It felt to her like she had just given him the kiss of death. Just like Judas had done to Jesus.